Where Have I Been, Where Am I Going

The past few days have been hectic, baffling, and exciting for me. I have not taken the time to write because so much has been going on, plus I decided to downgrade my amount of writing here. Recently I received the stimulus to finally go after my passion less here on the blogosphere and more in the privacy of spiral notebooks and Microsoft Word. After years of just dreaming about it, I am going to pursue my dream of writing a book and doing freelance writing. I began my memoir 15 years ago, but I was not mature enough then or had overcome some of life's difficulties to really present a complete and interesting portrayal of my life to fill a book. I had been inspired to take on such an endeavor of writing a memoir after reading the unique and inspiring Maya Angelou's series of autobiographies of her life. Nevertheless, I just was not ready.

I began this blog on November 22 after returning from Turkey less than 2 months before. I was reeling from so much disappointment. I had been paid far less than I had been promised by the family who had hired me as a live-in English tutor to their unruly daughter. I had languished for close to 2 months in a new affluent development on the outskirts of Istanbul with these people who saw me more as a family member and just ignored my calls to study. They really did not want a professional around. The Ottoman Turks were fond of and fascinated by blacks and this fondness still exits in Turkey in a number of quarters. But I will not go on with this. I have diverted myself from what I was going to present in this post.

After so many ups and down and peace and quiet, I began this blog. In a short time I have been honored to have two published authors making comments here. When I did the post Quest For Romance Ended in Murder, two authors Ellen R. Sheeley who wrote Reclaiming Honor in Jordan: A National Public Opinion Survey on "Honor" Killings and
Karen Tintori who has written Unto the Daughters a book about an honor killing which actually occurred her family nearly a century ago both of these authors made comments which have graced my effort here. I was intensely elated when I discovered both. I found Ms. Tintori's comment last week while bored, down, and preoccupied I scrolled back to my honor killing post. Ms. Tintori had left her comment almost two weeks after the post, so I might have never discovered it because it had moved from the main page of my blog. I had thought about writing to Ms. Sheeley shortly after I saw her comment, but I got too busy and later lost courage. I did not know how to approach her at the time with my question of what suggestions could she give me on what to do to become a published writer. When I discovered Ms. Tintori's comments I was spurred on to write her because at the time I felt a little world weary. I wrote her last week and last night she wrote back to me. This morning on firing up the internet and checking my e-mail, I received this very warm letter of encouragement which other aspiring writers should read. I hope the author does not mind I am sharing this.

Dear Sincerae,

I am thrilled to learn that my comment on your blog lifted your spirits. I was impressed not only with your blog post, but by the fact that you invited participation by asking those who visited to lend their voices to the discussion. It was a friendly, and engaging way to elicit comments. It was "hey, don't just run in and out of my house, stay and converse with me." I was impressed by that.

If you itch and burn to write every minute you are awake, concentrate on it. Focus on the book you want to write, and don't divert all that energy to the blogs -- you know? We have only so much creative juice in a day, so give the greater part of it to the book, and the rest to the blog. You are right in your comment that the blog is a way to perfect the craft of writing. Anything you write makes you a better writer as you think about words, sentences, structure.

If you haven't read Writers Market 2008, from Writers Digest Books, go buy it or borrow it from your library. It is filled with markets for writing -- from which publisher buys what kind of book, to which magazines buy, to whom to pitch and how they want the query sent. It is the bible of getting published. Format, substance, how to find an agent, etc., it's all there. And Writers Digest updates the book annually, so I'm thinking 2008 is the most current edition.

If you have some short pieces to sell to magazines, etc., and can do that while working on a book, great. It will add to your resume and be a hook for an editor. I have only done some freelance journalism articles locally, and eight books.

Keep writing, keep sending stuff out and lots of good luck to you and many blessings.

It is obvious you have overcome a lot in your life, and so I know you are a person who isn't dissuaded easily and doesn't give up. All the better to have those attributes if you want to be a published writer. There's a lot of rejection sometimes before that one editor says "yes," but those who stick it out and have some talent will succeed.

God bless and good luck! Keep writing.

All my best,
Karen

This e-mail made my day before it barely began. I was thrilled, honored, and uplifted. Today was a holiday for me because it was a planning day for the regular district's teachers, and I am only a substitute teacher, rather like an itinerant teacher for those outside the US who are not familiar with the term. I immediately decided to take Ms. Tintori's advice and get a copy of Writer's Market 2008, a massive tome of articles of how to get into the writing business and listings of hundreds of places to send your work from publishing houses and magazines to greeting card companies. Years ago I had bought a copy of Writer's Market, but my readiness to be a writer was not there. Since that time I have had articles and letters to the editor published in newspapers in my town, but I just did not have the courage to branch out. I was not ready no matter how much I dreamed and dreamed. Blogging has actually gotten me in shape to write regularly, so in the right hands and for the right reasons it is not a trivial exercise.

This afterrnoon I bought the 2008 edition of Writer's Market. I have a customer membership with the store where I made the purchase, so this morning to my good financial fortune I received in my e-mail a 40% off coupon from them and I was able to use it towards the purchase of my volume of Writer's Market.

Other excitement that has cropped up is I was given another job in the school district as an assistant to the afterschool program director which will pay more then my current position. Now I just have to find a school that needs me. Hopefully tomorrow I will.

Like my mother says, "Turkey will always be a part of your life. You will not escape the Turks." Saturday night when I called the time of day service, which is a recorded message offered by a local bank giving the time and the weather our house phone was not working, so I decided to use my cell phone. Someone had left a message on Friday and Saturday afternoons on my voicemail. I usually keep my phone off or just on vibrate, so it might have been days before I checked if the house phone had not been out. Shocker of shockers it was a former Turkish friend in distress. I will not put her name here, but she had jumped up on a humbug, like my mom likes to say, and married some guy here. I had written her a letter of invitation last summer even though she had developed a very rude and cocky attitude towards me. I will not put all the details here, but suffice it to say, she has been thoroughly humbled since she found out that one cannot get instant US citizenship by just marrying an American citizen. She has also learned that getting a job in her profession is not likely to happen either without a green card. She has learned that it all is a long uncertain process especially in post 9/11 America.

Yesterday and last night when I spoke to her, she sounded listless, broken, and slightly frighten. I have no idea who this guy is that she has gotten connected with. Gone are the snide, cocky, arrogant, know-it-all, rude, and insulting remarks. She has learned that Hollywood movies and her own dreams do not always mesh with reality. It is a sad story really, the complete details of which I still do not know every thing about. The irony of her situation can be seen in her lack of access to a phone. In Turkey she had 2 cellphones. Here she really does not have one except the one her husband uses and which he takes sometimes with him to work leaving her without access to a phone.

It is a very different ballgame here from in Turkey where it was easier for me to make friends with people there. I heard it once said that it is easier to go to the moon than to get to know your neighbors across the street in America. I guess she sees the difference. Families are not as close knit in the states as in Turkey.

My former friend has begged me to come and see her and stay a couple of days. She said she calls friends in Turkey, so I wonder does her husband not allow her to have the phone at times. I called her this morning just like she asked me too, but there was no answer and the voicemail said the number was not available. She told me last night that if her husband did not leave the phone with her to leave a message with him. I left a message on the voicemail, but she never called me. When I she told me yesterday to call back, her husband sounded a little angry and hostile when I asked for her, answering the phone with not a "hello" but with, "May I help you!" When she came to the phone she sounded listless and a littled scared and told me that she had to do yard work. She told me she would call me back in about 2 hours, but it was 5 hours later before I heard from her again.

Abuse is a problem for women everywhere, so I just hope and pray she has not gotten herself in a terrible situation where this man is controlling, terrorizing, and abusing her. I just wish I had not written the letter of invitation for her to get a visa. I sent that letter to very irresponsible, immature, and uninformed hands.

This poor young woman was very obsessed with getting her a black husband, and I know how some black men are abusive, controlling, and very uncaring about anything but their own selfish needs. My father was never verbally or physically abusive to my mother, but he never allowed her to control her finances and more recently when she sold some property, he scorned both her and my advise about investing it. He took most of it and spent it all to pay off his debts. I am a very forgiving person, so I am here again for this young woman who had been my colleague and friend, but who ruined our friendship by her arrogance. I fear for her, but I am powerless.

So I am taking Ms. Tintori's advise, and I will not be posting here as frequently. I am not putting myself on a definite schedule, but I will say that I will be writing here from 1 to 2 days a week. From afar I am trying to help a responsible Turkish friend who loves me like a sister and I am also being morally supportive of my Turkish boyfriend who says he is going back to Istanbul after taking care of his sick mother for over a year in his home town of Edirne near the Greek and Bulgarian border. An American friend of mine who hired me there last year to work in the language school where he was once one of the managers has offered my boyfriend a place to stay until he can get back on his feet. My Turk with the reddish brown hair and blue gray eyes has expressed a desire to come here and meet my family, but that will be in the far future, if ever.

Therefore much is going on. I will be changing jobs and taking on more responsibilities once I can find a school here that needs me for the position the school board has hired me for. I have been spending more time reading again, and I must get myself into the mood and mode to do all the things Ms. Tintori told me to do.

Sometimes I run across very good blogs that were abandoned without any comment on why. Then I see blogs that are an insult to the blogosphere and classy and sophisticated bloggers everywhere that should be abandoned.

I am not abandoning this blog that I take pride in, but I will be spending less time here . Nevertheless, I will continue to offer my usual eclectic mix once or twice a week when I have time.

Ciao for now:)

Where Am I Going?

I hope I can continue to blog semi-regularly since I have two jobs, one of which can be rather stressful; both of which I find rather unchallenging according to my intellect. Also, I am torn about blogging because here I really cannot sit down and craft my writing the way I would in a personal journal.

The temptation of blogging is not to really tailor your writing meticulously because there is always the underlying desire to get what you write out immediately if only to see it in sitting online. Also looking at the statistics of where your readers are coming from only adds to the ego, but leaves those of us who have dreamed of and have been encouraged over the years to take up the writing life professionally feeling a little empty as if we wasting valuable time. I have also noticed that I do a very poor job of editing when I write online, much worse then when I keep a journal or a diary.

I was encouraged when I was a 24 year graduate student by the then editor of a local newspaper to write after he printed a column I wrote about teenage pregnancy in his paper. That editor was Philip Lee Williams, and you can read his biography on Wikipedia right here. He later became a published novelist, and at his first book signing, I was there where I met his agent who showed an interest in me and who asked me if I might have something written that she might look at. Those days seem like eons ago. I have gone through so much and experienced so much which a blog is painfully too small and restrictive to contain. My life has been rather extraordinary for its' ups and down and degree of adventure when I come to think of it, though everyday I feel I still have not done enough despite choosing years ago to not live an average life. I stepped out of the box as an African American woman and developed my own style and uniqueness, and I feel I am so much the better for it.

So where am I now? I am in a place (not really the physical location) that is too small for me, and where I am wasting a little too much time just "piddling" away. I need to be refreshing my knowledge of Spanish which is an important language to have here, and I need to be working on learning how to play that guitar I bought two Christmas' ago. I feel empty sometimes because I need to get back to just old fashioned journal writing far from the maddening crowd of the internet. I will continue to write here though, but entries may come down to only 2 or 3 times a week at most because of my jobs and also because I need to focus on what I expressed above.

Sometimes I think that if Phil Williams remembers me, he is wondering, "Where is her book?" Life is short, and I had better get on the two I have started. Yes, I have started two, and it pains me that I have got them here lying around like neglected children.

Tomorrow will be an event. I have to work tomorrow morning for 5 hours, but after I get off, I will go to the home of one of our neighbors who sold us the land on on which our home was built back in 1966 when I was only 4 years old. Our Miss Lizzie Swanson will be 100 years old tomorrow. The neighborhood is giving her a centennial celebration. Miss Lizzie, as everyone calls her, is a widow whose husband Jack committed suicide during my first year in college when he discovered that he had cancer. He just blew his brains out in their yard one day. Miss Lizzie never had any children and most of her family members have now passed away, so she has a number of people she views as her adopted children, some of whom are my parents. I knew she was nearing the 100 mark, but it was not until a few minutes ago when I asked mom did I learn about her landmark age. It seems that Miss Lizzie just keeps going and going like the Energizer Bunny.

Where as with most things, I guess the same applies to blogs: quality is more important than quantity. Of course, I do subscribe to the belief that if you have a blog, don't go for months on end not writing in it and permit it to die if you can at all help it. Write, by all means, as regularly as possible.

I will end here pointing to a blog with lovely photos which speaks volumes on the Romantic, beauty, exoticism, eroticism, mysticism, just the plain cute, the gritty, the edgy, you name it if you are a Romantic and a connoisseur of beauty like I am. This is an eclectic mix, and I also adore the eclectic along with the Romantic. While searching for blogs that fit my perception of the some of the best of what the blogosphere has to offer on the arts, history, the personal, Romance, etc., I found Images That Speak to Me that can be seen here. These images are a real treat:)